fone convos II.
Posted by captainlemonberry | Posted in | Posted on 4:16 PM
0
E: I love you too, my sweetest, dearest, most amazingly beautiful best friend.
E: You quite literally are my best friend. And I love you, with all my heart..
K: And i love you too, you're just too good to me..
E: I don't know what I'd even be without you. I wouldn't be complete, that's for damn sure. I don't know what I'd even be without you. I wouldn't be complete, that's for damn sure.
K: See! You're too amazing. There's no way i'd ever be able to be as good as i am without you
E: You've taught me so much about life, not just about yours, but about mine, and the choices I have made and will have to make in the future. You're like the big brother I've always wanted, Killian, which sounds weird to you, but it doesn't to me. My brother's a distant, fucked up guy, my father used to abuse my mom, my sister in Rockwall was abused by her husband, my uncle bill threatened to throw my aunt ellen out of their house down near ft worth, and I never talked to anyone in my family really, so I never saw a real healthy relationship in my family, or had someone in there that I could rely on. But you're kinda like an older brother to me, because you guide me, help me, love me, teach me. You've done a lot for me, a lot, more than words could ever do.
K: Oh wow... I didn't know i meant that much..
E: Before I met you, I was so confident and sure of myself, like, about my knowledge and what little I knew about the world. Then you came along, and impressed me with how much you knew.. It surpised me, because I judged you, a lot, and didn't expect you to be as smart as you are. You've taught me about it being okay to be wrong or embarrassing or loose, chill, mellow, calm or confident or whatever every once in awhile...that it's okay to "mess up," and that I don't need to be so serious all the time. I've never been in love with anyone, until I met you. When I fell in love with you, I realized how much I loved my friends, and that whole connection thing I have that you don't understand or agree with has been influenced by you, because you're the reason I even know what real love is. Before you, I..
K: You...?
E: I wasn't complete. In fact, I was content with my emptiness. And then.. I met you. And when we started dating, I knew I'd have to have you always, because I had never felt so strangely for a person so soon, and that was something that I didn't want to ever feel with another person ever again. You know what's weird? I don't think you took anything from me, other than a lot of the sadness and anger in my life. I feel like.. That night, I didn't lose anything, I gained. I gained a special connection.. As if, that night, I was not just me, but part of something bigger, like I connected with someone in a deep, personal, emotional way, and it made me even more happy to know that I could share that special moment, that..."awakening" with you. Seriously, it was like an epiphany, that you were the one I wanted to be with, always.
K: Oh wow.. That's.. I don't have the words to describe..
E: You are one of the most beautiful people I know, Killian. I feel honored to be in your life, that you let me in, that you LOVE me, that you are.. Mine. I'm proud, like I mentioned on fb, that you're not only my best friend, but you're the person that wants to be with me, always. I will NEVER leave you, I simply can't, and my heart will never stop loving you, whether I want it to or not. I understand that your past has messed up your view of yourself, but I want to help you rebuild or fix that image with the years that pass. I want you to eventually, one day, see what I see, and understand why I can't take my eyes off you, or why I love you, why I can never stay mad at you for long, or why I think about you every second of everyday. Even if it does't happen anytime soon, I will spend the rest of my life trying to help you, and I hope that one day you'll love yourself, almost as much as I love you.
K: I love you.. So much.. I.. I'm speechless.. Honestly..
E: I wouldn't ask for anything else, other than for you to eventually love yourself, or even like, at the least. You don't have to say anything, actually. =) You and I are a lot alike, in certain areas. I noticed that a lot of people could come to us for their problems, and we were like, I quote your old blog post, "one use application[s]," or something of that nature. I've felt that way, that I could be a reliable friend, that I could be EVERYBODY'S girl, that my mission was to make everyone happy while still conserving enough energy to make ME happy. That's one reason I've always felt attracted to you, that we were the reliable, caring people, that people leaned on, talked to, came to for advice, and I felt as if.. We could understand each other on that level.
K: You quoted me?
E: Yes, I did quote you ;p your post on MySpace, from last year. I never wanted to ask much for you, or even ask at all, and I felt like you felt that way, too, that you didn't want to push or want too much from me. And it was like.. Finally, I'm with someone who doesn't take. You receive a lot, baby, you rarley take from me, and for that, I didn't feel drained, constantly. I didn't have to give too much or take anything, we just.. Were, it was all mutual. After we started really connecting, I started to see you, this person not everyone else got to see. I love you too, dearest. You mean everything to me, everything.
K: It's.. Wow...
E: You're one of the few people I've ever really bothered with. It was strangely easy to open up to you, and I was.. And still am.. So vulnerable, but stronger and more confident in who I am, because you've helped me become so. You're like my personal cheerleader, hehe, because you support me, and encourage me. You've helped me.. Believe in myself and my abilities. Out of all my close, not best, just close, friends, you're one of the only ones I'm sure of. Everyone else is iffy, besides Michael. I honestly would be lost without you. You've influenced so many of my choices in my life, and I never thought you could. I never thought we'd be best friends, because I never felt like I could measure up to the people that were closest to you. But you'll always be my best friend, Panda. My heart would be empty and most likely broken without you there to fill the void and take care of it, the way it should be. And before you, I ripped the stitches out of everything, picked at all the scabs, but you've taught me patience, and now a few open wounds have healed in my life. And rest assured, I know you'd never leave me, so thank you, for everything you've obviously done and everything you weren't aware you did.
K: Your words are so.. Beautiful.. There's nothing to thank me for.. You've given me more than i could ever give you
E: Beautiful? Speaking of which, because of you, I've come to terms with a lot of my insecurities, and I've realized that I AM beautiful, inside and out.
K: You are! Ha! I will save the message
E: I just.. I'll spend the rest of my life making things up to you, but one thing will always be constant, and that's that I love you, sweetheart. You're so kind to me, so sweet and real, and honest, and I could not ask for a more perfectly imperfect person to accompany me on this adventure called life.
K: I completely agree.. I love you..
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